14. July 2009 by admin.

So I’m at the LSA right now and it’s fun… I’m meeting new people and I’m taking a bunch of courses, it’s not too intense, but it’s tiring… I also miss Tom a lot

I just got my visa for Australia… unfortunately, my advisor decided not to go… because she would need to make up two classes… I was really hoping she’d go… but Tom said he’d go with me and make a trip out of it… since for me it’s just as expensive to go for a week as it would be to go for the weekend, I figured staying for a week would make the 15 hour flight worth while…

My advisor (very generously) offered to help pay my ticket to Australia with her research grant… I want to accept but I don’t know how to phrase it… “yes please, that’d be awesome” sounds a bit too brief… I’m uncomfortable talking about money… which I should get over…

I would like school to start, funny enough… because I’ve been inefficient with my personal projects, like my paper, and I need the structure that school provides to get this stuff done… I wish Hagit would tell me I need to finish my paper in the next two weeks… because I totally can… I just need to make myself do it. Maybe I should ask her to require me to have the paper done by the beginning of the school year… I do well when there’s a deadline for her… it gives me a time frame to work with, which makes me START

I should get back to doing homework… to get it done and do some reading for my paper…

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1. July 2009 by admin.

He won’t tell me what happens next. It’s mean! I want to know! but I wuv him.

I haven’t managed to finish the books I had set out to read. I feel like a failure, but I won’t beat myself up. I will do my best over the next month to keep reading. I did find more references on my topic of interest and now I have an even more explicit outline of my second screening paper, but I don’t have the full paper yet, which is meh. I am sure I will have the paper complete before I’m back in LA, I’d be too embarrassed to show up without at least a first draft.

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15. June 2009 by admin.

I’m in Tampa with Tom, and life is good… I feel academically lonely, but that’s fine, I should get used to this… I was completely useless for the first week here, then I slowly got back into shape, now I’m working well. I’m reading Hagit’s books, and Hornstein’s book, and Hogi’s book… I decided to give up on reading Adger for now, because I have a bit much on my plate, and I don’t have that kind of attention span. I’m mostly advancing on Hagit’s first book and Hornstein’s book more than the other two because the first is directly related to my screening paper and the latter is crucial for doing syntax at all.Being with Tom is awesome, I get cuddles every night, and I feel so connected… I love him so much… I love the fact that we’re each other’s babies, he’s my baby sometimes and I’m his sometimes…  I threw a temper tantrum today when Tom tried to help me with making the plates, because he made my plate ugly unknowingly, it was a cute tantrum, he was mostly confused at first, and amused later… he said i’m a 4 year old… admittedly, sometimes I am heh, especially when I’m doing one of my little “projects” (like cooking a pretty meal)I study all night and sleep in the morning, I get to cuddle with Tom before he sleeps and right before he wakes up (when I go to bed) I wish I could just go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time, but if I try to do that, I end up chatting and talking to my parents all day while he’s at work and I don’t get anything done. The current state of affairs has me sleeping while he’s at work, and hanging out with him when he’s awake, and studying at night, which is a good balance for us… the only down side is that over the weekend, we don’t get to spend all our awake time together because I’m sleepy during the day and he lets me sleep and doesn’t wake me up… he says I’m too cute to wake up :PI’m still waiting for the criminal background paper to come in the mail before I can apply for the Australian visa, it’s quite inconvenient that I can’t book my flight now, it’s like $800 round trip now, it’s definitely going to be more expensive later… meh… oh well… hopefully it’ll go smoothly as soon as I get the paper.I am a bit jealous of the people who went to the morphosyntax workshop in Stuttgart… it looked awesome (and Marijke’s joint submission on diminutives in italian and hebrew seemed cool), I would have wanted to be there… I wish I had something to say about this stuff before the deadline last March…a + tardSarah

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16. May 2009 by admin.

So my advisor and a number of my professors are on my facebook now, so I can’t really be myself as much…
I don’t want them to perceive every whining I do as a cry for help or something, that’d be exhausting…The down side of this is that I can’t express myself on facebook as much anymore… which used to be a relief for me…

Hagit hasn’t responded to my email about the abstract, but then again, give her a break, I only sent it this morning…

I’m moving into Elena’s new place tomorrow… I’m a bit nervous about staying at her place, I’m shy…

I feel like I was a total dork today when I gave the graduates the appreciation presents… i don’t know why i couldn’t think of anything even remotely intelligent to say…I don’t think I’m any more comfortable with Hagit now than I was before, whenever she’s around I turn into a total dork, which is my natural state… but I don’t know why she triggers it…but whatever, i’ll get over it…

i am soo tired… 

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12. May 2009 by admin.

I do. I really, really, really, do. 

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3. May 2009 by admin.

I have been dating Tom for two years now, and we got engaged in February in one of the geekiest and most romantic ways ever

After I had my week of “freaking out” over having gotten engaged, I realized something… I realized that nothing changed that day.

Why hasn’t anything changed? Because we have a healthy relationship, a continuous one, the kind that does not change overnight.

So it‘s true, my relationship with Tom did not change on February 13th, 2009. It changed on many unmemorable days that lead up to February 13th, which we chose to mark as a landmark for romantic reasons. This relationship kept changing after February 13th, and still is.

To explain the title: I normally refer to Tom as my partner, rather than my boyfriend or fiancé.
Some may find this reference unromantic. However, he and I both believe, that it is the most accurate, and most romantic, term to describe our relationship. We are partners, we have chosen each other, to share everything, and to continuously be together, as best friends, companions, and romantic partners.

So when I refer to Tom as my partner, it is not to lessen the romanticism of our fiancaille, but to emphasize the continuity of our friendship, our commitment to always be together, and to always be there for each other.
So this is why I avoid using the provisional terms of reference. Partner is a definite description that changelessly describes Tom for me.

…It is not that our relationship doesn’t change, it is only that it doesn’t change on those days that we decide to celebrate it…

I think I’ll actually call him husband when we get married though, since that is not a provisional term

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3. May 2009 by admin.

Hagit and I submitted a joint abstract this week, it was awesome working on it. She did most of the writing, I was mostly thinking of the data and stuff… I really appreciate the fact that she was interested in writing an abstract with me… it was a great learning experience (though she didn’t seem convinced of it)  - I learned how to control the paradigm, I got to see how she thinks, and I got to talk about my favorite topic to her for hours! it was great

Tom is here, and I’m on cloud 7 because of that  I love this guy soooo much!  He’s the bestest. (I am now on his EEE pc on campus because my internet broke)

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27. April 2009 by admin.

I had a small disagreement with C. - it’s weird that since we had that argument it’s been like a relief… I guess hanging otu with her was a downer… though that’s not a nice thing to say… she’s not terrible… anywhoo… doesn’t matter much

My plans are to spend June in Tampa… which is making me feel guilty towards my parents… I’m also spending the rest of May in Los Angeles, because I want to go to the California Universities Semantics and Pragmatics program’s meeting.

I have a presentation on Tuesday and I’m not ready for it… I rescheduled my meeting with Fang-Ying so I can use the time tomorrow to read for Audrey’s presentation… I’m feeling a bit stressed over this whole presentation thing… the worst punishment would be that I’d have to present my topic for Hagit’s half and then I’d have to write a paper about this underspecified stuff… meh… I need more structure still… I need to learn to come up with specific stuff on my own…

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13. April 2009 by admin.

I’m screening tomorrow, and I am scared shitless…

They’re going to ask me simple questions that I’ll be too stupid to answer, and they will make me wish the earth would open up and swallow me… I’m so scared… I can’t believe I was excited about this yesterday…

Oh, and I added my advisor on Facebook… now I can’t procrastinate on facebook right before a deadline… she’ll see it… heh… that’s fine though, she’s cool.

Tom and I had a mini argument today… we’re fine though, we talked for hours after it… we’re always fine that’s how I know we belong together.

I could really use talking to Tom right now, but it’s like 3 am there and the poor guy is asleep… so I won’t call… I like picking on him and pretending I want to sleep with a woman without him knowing it’s so much fun hehe

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8. April 2009 by admin.

You’d have to come from a place where the car breaks down sometimes, the power goes off sometimes, the roads are blocked sometimes, and the airport closes sometimes, to still find life beautiful when the money runs out sometimes.

Arifi quoted me on this on facebook, so I thought it’s cool enough to put on my blog

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5. April 2009 by admin.

Well, I ran out of money right after the screening… so I’m not going to have my “grand finale” hairdo, or the crazy shopping spree. So here’s the fun things I’ve been doing or plan on doing more of:
1- Reading for the semantics seminar
2- Finishing the work Barry recommended I do on my paper
3- Reading my advisor’s book in the right order (chapter 1 before 5)
4- Thinking of a topic for the next screening
5- Talking more to my fiancé and my family
6- Finding an apartment in Berkeley
7- Finding an apartment for next year

I want my life to go back to revolving around a project… I’d have less time to worry and I’d be more productive.

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4. April 2009 by admin.

I got engaged!!!

I fell back in love with Syntax

I lost my apartment

I attended a linguistics workshop (for the first time)

I wrote a paper

I had fun!!

I love this semester. I wish the rest of my life at USC is like this. I hope my advisor continues to pressure me.

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2. April 2009 by admin.

yeah I totally stole that from Lina’s email to me

I am much better now that I sent my paper… i had a feeling of “done”-ness for a little while today… I’ve been in bed ALL DAY!
Tomorrow, I’ll get back to work…

I hope they like my paper… it’s been what I breath, eat, and dream around for four months!

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26. March 2009 by admin.

It’s Thursday, and I’m not scared… I’m just sad… my paper isn’t as good as I want it to be, Tom doesn’t seem too enthused to talk to me this week and I think it’s because I was working all the time when he visited, and now, add to all things… it’s the last week of March… I hate the last week of March…Tomorrow is the three year mark after the accident. I miss Wadad so much. I’m going to drive on the freeway this weekend. Wadad would call me stupid if she knew I haven’t driven on a freeway for three years… I have to enjoy life for two and to achieve for two, I have to be the best that I can so that the part of her that is in me is the best that it can…This is when syntax kicked in three years ago… I need syntax to make me feel all better again… I need to have a project, a new project… I need to feel successful… I keep falling for some reason… I can’t explain it… I fell off the bike last week, I slipped in my apartment today, then I fell while walking the bike when I was heading to school… I got bruises all over my legs. It might just be stress, or low bp… but it doesn’t matter, I’ll get better. If I could pretend that god exists, I’d be able to pray, if I could pretend that god exists, I’d be able to pretend that Wadad is still somewhere waiting for me… if I could pretend Wadad was somewhere far away, I would be warranted to miss her… I wish I could pretend… I wish I could find a reasonable explanation for how much I miss her…

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25. March 2009 by admin.

I was just re-reading some of the old posts, and I realized this is not a blog I want my advisor to see lol… it’s so “rants and raves in the daily life of an advisee”… one day she’s awesome, one day she’s terrifying - hehe

Well, today she’s awesome… though my synax broke… I had AdjP higher than #P which is bad because  it gives the wrong interpretation (plus some syntactic reasons) - I told her about it around noon and she stayed with me after the seminar and we came up with a fix for it… I’m not as proud of my paper as I was before, but I’m also not as sad as I was this morning… it’s a good compromise… I hadn’t even asked her to meet, she just told me to stick around after the seminar to talk about my structure because she’s going to be away next week and Thursday might be too close, which is very nice of her…ok… so now I have a numeral modifier and a #P… which is a fix… oh well… maybe I’ll come up with something brilliant tonight… I’ll start by fixing the things Elena told me to fix (lexical entry for the adjective, and of as type-shifter), and then I’ll add the complement like Hagit told me to… then I’ll try to fix what I have… 

I talked to Tom tonight as usual… he seemed mad/frustrated at me, but I could be projecting… I cried… I don’t know what’s wrong with me… I am not happy with my life today… and I usually feel better after I talk to my Tom, but today I felt worse… I don’t know… I’ll just get back to work and see if that’ll make me feel better…

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21. March 2009 by admin.

Up until last week, I was terrified of talking about syntax, last week, my advisor met with me and I had the guts to talk about syntax with her, and now I can’t shut up about it anymore!
I am so happy.I owe this woman so much, I wish I TAed for her or something so I feel like I’m doing something in exchange… even though that wouldn’t even compare… 

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13. March 2009 by admin.

I have the best advisor ever! Seriously. She’s awesome. I had a great meeting today! I have a lot of work to do so I can’t go into details, but I am seriously very lucky, she helped me so much today… She’s the best.

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9. March 2009 by admin.

I am trying to come up with a meaningful syntax that goes with my semantic proposal of construct states, and I seem stuck on liking Hagit’s stuff (framework) and Lina’s stuff (analysis). I don’t know whether it’s because they’re great or because I like Hagit and I like Lina.

I need to come up with reasons to break the other analyses that I am looking at but it’s not that straightforward… I’m starting to seriously worry about time. There’s only three weeks left…Desire for success needs to be greater than fear of failure :) 

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8. March 2009 by admin.

Hagit says I should have a syntax section, so I shall have a syntax section :)I am psyched about this part… I think I am enjoying this screening process way too much… last time I felt this way I was in Brevet :Phaha maybe I am one of those cecilia types that should stay in grad school forever. But I won’t. I will graduate in 5 years. My plan is to qualify a semester early, and to defend my dissertation a semester early.  

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1. March 2009 by admin.

I’ve been scared of syntax since like the second week of classes at USC.I lack confidence more than anything when it comes to syntax.
I am going to change that. And I’m not waiting till the summer. I have been going through some syntax papers on construct states and I’ve been spending more energy on understanding the syntax than before, and it’s working out well, it’s not so bad. I am going to have a decent syntax section to my paper. And I will be ready for my second screening. 
After this summer, I will be confident.

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26. February 2009 by admin.

I am meeting with Hagit tomorrow and I’m actually not freaking out… this is a nice feeling… I wish I could always feel ready before meeting with her…

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23. February 2009 by admin.

The workshop was AWESOME.
It was like seeing people from the interwebs in person. It was way cooler than the hacker conferences I’ve been to. It helps that I actually know a lot of the people who were here in person.  I’ve never been to something like this before, it was great.
I don’t know what Hagit was thanking us for, all we did is some random little things, we should be thanking her for organizing this whole thing! She is fantastic!

I am writing a letter of recommendation for Marina I hope she gets the scholarship.  

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19. February 2009 by admin.

Nervous is the wrong word, I’m upset. I’m upset at myself, at my time management, and at my inefficiency. I am working harder than I’ve ever worked before, but that’s just it, I didn’t work hard enough before, and this is why I’m not efficient now, because I have to make up for ‘lacunes’ from before… I am very mad at myself… but I don’t have time for this, so I’m just posting this to get it off my chest, and getting back to work… I’m not going to be ready enough tomorrow… I wonder if I’m completely disapointing or if this is normal… I hope it’s normal… 

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18. February 2009 by admin.

I meet with Hagit on Thursday and I still don’t have anything ready… she didn’t like what I did last time, so I’m changing the whole thing again… and it’s taking longer than I want it to… I am so nervous…

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15. February 2009 by admin.

Tom finally officially proposed
He picked me up at the airport on Friday February 13th (Friday the 13th), we drove home, and he gave me my valentine present: a Play Station Portable.
I opened the box and took it out, and looked for the on button, turning it upside down, I noticed a metal plaque on the back. I looked at it, and it said in fancy font:

SarahWill youmarry me?  

I turned around confused, thinking he’s proposing to me with a game, I find him kneeling behind me with a box and a ring… and the rest is history
Enough chitchat, he’s the pictures:PSP    RingRing 2  My 2-dozen roses The chocolate and roses

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12. February 2009 by admin.

I met with my advisor today - she’s fantastic - have I mentioned that before?

I am feeling much better now. She just wanted me to re-organize the thing so it would look more like a paper, and actually write down all the stuff I’ve been saying in Semantics. I don’t know why I perceived it as much more than it was. It’s not such a big deal, I don’t know why I was freaking out so much last night and all week…

I am going to try to get this finished by 7 am this morning.3 more hours… I’m getting back to work now.

Oh, I just realized I need to explain the title - I think I need a google ear-piece when I talk to my advisor - she’s the only person I’ve ever met in the US who uses language that I have to google - for a foreigner she sure uses a lot of idioms and metaphors!
I should probably cut down on saying “I don’t know what that means” and just write things down and google them when I get home…

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11. February 2009 by admin.

So I’ve been sleepless since last Thursday (I only slept on Monday night)… though I had a great thing going with Barry on Monday, I still haven’t done what Hagit told me to do… and I feel like shit about it.
I sent my advisor a “freaking out” email - asking her if we could meet briefly today to talk about what I’m supposed to do for tomorrow because I’ve been completely unable to “start” with any of the tasks she told me to do to. Now I feel completely pathetic - I mean she’s quite clear, I don’t know why I don’t know where to start… I don’t know what’s wrong with my intro so I don’t know how to fix it, I don’t know how to finish a semantics section - she told me to postpone critiquing Sorin to a later point in the paper so that my position wouldn’t be viewed in a defensive way - and I think that’s great advice - but I don’t know how to show my view without showing what I’m contrasting it with, it just doesn’t make sense in my mind that way…
so now all I have is 4 trees, 2 derivations (out of like three thousand), and a bunch of bullet-points on why it would work… and I’m not even sure what I have makes any sense… I want to check it with Elena before I “write it up”. It’s weird, usually the laborious part for me in writing a term paper is reading, then I just write with ease… in this paper, because it actually matters, I keep reading, and I don’t mind reading, but writing seems to be painful - and scary.

(Agreeing with Nelly) I have serious self esteem issues… I need to get better at this and be more confident about it… Or… (agreeing with Canan) I need to take up drinking…

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9. February 2009 by admin.

I just met with Barry, and we had a FANTASTIC meeting. Seriously.
We talked about something that had seemed to me at first, to be marginal to my topic, but after talking about it, I realized a lot of really really cool stuff going on with it, and that it’s very NON-marginal! woohoo!
I should bike home and sleep now because I’ve been up for over 24 hours, but rock on! yay! 

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9. February 2009 by admin.

I’m tired and sleep deprived. I have to finish the semantics section of the paper and fix the introduction by Thursday - well actually by Wednesday noon if I want my advisor to be able to read it before we meet.I spent the weekend reading the first chapter of Heim’s dissertation and parts of Barker’s dissertation and three papers by him - it didn’t help me much with my immediate task, but I know more stuff than before so it was good for me. I’m tired though.I feel like I’m supposed to do more than I perceive myself as being able to do. But I’m glad I have this deadline, I know it will happen by Wednesday, I will definitely become more ‘productive’ tonight and tomorrow because the deadline is coming up. But right now I need a long -long- nap.  I just got an email from housing telling me I’m even lower on the priority list that I had thought. I’m giving up on it. I’ll stay in that hotel downtown by the time I find something nice.I’m not having a good day, I need 11 am to come already so I can meet with my professor who I have an appointment with and discuss what I’ve done so far, and try to ask him all the questions I have in mind. I just need to remind myself - it will become easier - it has become more “natural” than before, and it’s only getting better. I love what I’m doing, being tired shouldn’t discourage me.

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8. February 2009 by admin.

The following is a conversation between two graduate students, myself and a colleague. The names have been abbreviated to preserve the privacy of the speakers and the people mentioned. C is my colleague, she and I are both advisees of H.

     10:19 PM me: I’m having another one of those “H. must think I’m a complete idiot” moments10:20 PM C: it is my default state    me: haha C: if you are having just a moment i think that is fine    me: I have it on and off C: just accept it and don’t worry aobut it anymore   10:21 PM that is what i have done sometime ago10:22 PM me: haha I should do that too…  it hurts my ego every time I think about it, I should just accept it… C: absolutely     that helps a lot  so that you are not trying to prove that you are smart    me: yeah… because that won’t work10:23 PM C: not to H.  me: sometimes I understand something she said 2 days later (like now) C: i know  i understood what she said last year last week    me: hahaha   For the LOLs. 

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6. February 2009 by admin.

Today was a fantastic day. I went to school at 10, and came back at 7 - long day, but great day.Here are the two words that made my day: “much better” said by my advisor while pointing at something I sent her. I also fell into a puddle, like the whole of me, not my foot.. it was quite funny… I had to wear a blanket to class for the rest of the day :D 

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5. February 2009 by admin.

I’m feeling lonely in a different way this semester.. I mean I used to feel hormonally lonely when I was on the pill… now I feel lonely in a different way that I can’t express well… I think I need to meet some Lebanese linguist to talk to… I miss talking about what I’m working on to people… but no one knows what the shit I’m talking about… Maybe I should email Lina… she hasn’t replied to my last email so she must be busy…I wish I was more comfortable talking to my advisor… I wish I could email her random thoughts about my paper…I wish I was teaching. Then I get to talk about Arabic more…

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2. February 2009 by admin.

I am so used to being the smart one, it’s really hard to compare myself to the people I want to be like… It’s like a hard lesson in modesty…
Screw mensa - high IQ my ass - I’m an idiot compared to some of the people here…
I want to work hard, for the first time in my life, to have enough knowledge to be able to compare my intelligence to that of the people I want to be like. I want to know if they’re really that much smarter than me, or if they know so much more and that makes them seem immesurably smart.

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2. February 2009 by admin.

I wrote my abstract, and I feel a bit better now that I’ve defined what exactly I’m focusing on. I hope this lasts.

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1. February 2009 by admin.

I feel like a child in a grown up world. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I’m scared, I’m lonely, I’m trying as hard as I can… I can’t catch up. I’m scared of the possibility of getting kicked out… I really love linguistics… I don’t know what else to do with my life. I’d be a very miserable person if I had to go back to computer engineering.

I didn’t learn any syntax in the last 3 semesters, and now I’m supposed to use what I learned… but I learned nothing. What the hell do I do now? I am such a fake. I know I’m not fooling anyone by not saying it out loud, but I’m too scared to admit it… and I’m scared it might be too late. Maybe going to the LSA would help.

I am going to sit in on Elena’s class to review my semantics, because I’m even not fluent in that… and that’s “my thing”… I love semantics… and Elena’s great…

Every time I talk to my parents I cry. My mother is either embarrassed or paranoid about everything I am or do. I am bisexual. I am dating an American. I am scared of being kicked out. I am for peace in the middle east. I don’t want to pretend I don’t have an opinion. And there’s nothing wrong with stating any of these facts in front of the world… they’re who I am.

I know it’s great to get a PhD… but I’m not doing this to have these three stupid letters next to my name. I am doing this because I want to be able to do this linguistics thing for the rest of my life. I love it. I am doing this because I want to be like those people (HB, EG, BS, JR,…) one day. And hell yeah I’m scared of being kicked out. It’s not about looking like I belong, I want to actually belong.

Xiao and Canan and I were talking today about what we’d be doing if we had a million dollars.
If I had a million dollars, I’d probably still be in grad school doing linguistics. I’d probably have Tom here with me though… that’s the only thing I’d change.

Sarah

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30. January 2009 by admin.

I have the best committe ever. Yesterday was great, I met with everyone in my committee. It went great with everyone, they all gave me very useful feedback. My next meetings are going to be Monday at 11am, Thursday at 11am , and Thursday at 1pm, my aim is to have less DS and more me.
I am going to reformulate the research question and re-review the work of DS. I should send them to my advisor on Wednesday, but my aim is to finish that by Monday or Tuesday so I can take a day to think about what I’ve argued for without the clutter of all the stuff I’m reading
I am really enjoying this screening thing… does that make me a weirdo?

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28. January 2009 by admin.

I might be… </pointless-post-that-only-I-understand> :D  

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27. January 2009 by admin.

Speaking of balance, I’ve been up and working for four days straight, and I missed my apartment renewal deadline. Now I have to apply with everyone else on February second, and I am very unlikely to get in… fuck.

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27. January 2009 by admin.

Ok, that was a serious anticlimax… I feel “bleh” now… I’m gonna go read morphology till I fall asleep…

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26. January 2009 by admin.

I said I’d be done by Monday, and it’s Monday, and I am practically done, I’m just finalizing some thoughts in the last section I am going to send it in by 5 pm tonight.

I am proud of myself After I’m done, I am going to go home, take a long nap, then come back and read one of the articles assigned for the Syntax Seminar.  

Woohoo! :) 

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25. January 2009 by admin.

So it’s been a month or so since my last post… My first Christmas was fun - and stressful! and I spilled soup on myself… but that’s a story for another day. I actually caught that cold Tom had, and instead of having it for 2 days like him, as usual I was sick for the whole vacation… I enjoyed Lebanon a lot though, despite the cold.

I didn’t get anything done while I was in Lebanon, nothing, not a thing. With the cold, and the friends, and all the family events that came with my brother’s wedding, I forgot I even was a graduate student… I was supposed to send my advisor a summary of the stuff I had read in Tampa after we met online, which I didn’t…After I got back, I was dreading the moment I’d run into her… Technically, she didn’t give me a deadline, but it was assumed that the email was going to be sent within the next couple of days of our meeting…

Funny enough, when I did run into her, I forgot for a split second that I owed her a past overdue summary, and I greeted her with a cheerful “Hi!!!” with a big bright smile - to which she very amiably replied with a greeting. Then she followed her greeting with “what happened to that summary?” (I could have sworn my ears caught on fire that moment, I couldn’t believe I had forgotten that! I should have anticipated the question!) I think I mumbled something about going to Lebanon and that having been detrimental in the summary’s coming existence. It was quite embarrassing.

That was a Thursday, but she was busy, so we agreed to meet on the Thursday after, and she told me to send her a summary of what I’ve done before we meet. Now we’ve established above that I haven’t done anything in the two weeks I was in Lebanon. But seeing as I was already feeling ’small’ enough, I wasn’t about to let her realize that, on top of not having written a summary, I barely read anything in Lebanon other than the articles I had already read in Tampa. So I started preparing frantically until the day I met with her.The meeting went okay (I guess)… I didn’t really know what to expect, it was my first real meeting with her. So my expectations were that as long as I don’t have an asthma attack or choke on my own tongue, the meeting was going well.

The meeting was very useful for me. It gave me structure to what I’ve been doing and what I should be doing next. She showed me everything that’s wrong with what I was thinking, and then gave me what seemed to be a pep talk… She’s really nice, but frighteningly smart, which makes me nervous. I wish I wasn’t so nervous. But being nervous is good, it’s good motivation to work hard.

My deadline for what she asked me to do is Tuesday at 7:00 pm, I don’t know if she wants it by email or if she’s going to be in her office. I’m not taking chances, I’ll be done by Monday. That’s why I should stop typing this now and get back to work.

“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure” (Bill Cosby)

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19. December 2008 by admin.

I am spending my first christmas with Tom in Tampa. The holiday has been a lot of fun so far, Tom got a cold though He’s feeling better now, so that’s good, but now my nose is all blocked and stuff… I think I caught whatever he had… Oh well Tom is trying to figure out what I’m getting him for xmas, but I am being good this time, I always let him know what I’m getting him for birthdays and stuff because I suck at keeping secrets, but I’m being good this time. He has a bunch of stuff for me in the trunk, but he won’t let me open it to see them, he hinted there were a couple of DVDs :-P  I’m a bit worried about the fact that my sleep schedule and that of Tom are completely out of sink, I don’t even start reading until late at night, and usually he’s asleep at that time, but we have a strong relationship, that won’t affect it. okay, that’s all for now, I should get back to reading about construct state now… 

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9. December 2008 by admin.

It’s been three years.  I just realized that I had forgotten for a whole week that it had happened. In the back of my head, I had plans to hang out with her. For a whole week, not a dream, not a thought, nothing that reminded me that she was dead. The usual formula is that every week, at least one night, I dream that she came back from the dead and that we spent a whole day together, and that at the end of the day she had to return… and even though that was a constant reminder of her death, I guess it gave me my dose of ‘her’ time… My mind operated as if I left Lebanon when she was still alive, and just like everyone else back there, she’s just there and we just haven’t talked for a while. In the back of my mind there were plans to be with her while I’m in Tripoli. I just re-realized that she’s gone. I feel as if it had just happened again.  It feels terrible.I think what started this was the facebook message from the group I used to hang out with at the time at AUB.. the people from the theater class… 

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27. October 2008 by admin.

Michal just showed me her Blog and the accountant in her story reminded me of myself 2 years ago… I was one hell of an unhappy engineer (engineering student), Linguistics was all I wanted to do. I realized I am living my dream. So I need to start realizing I should be enjoying what I’m doing, because this is the only time in my life in which I get to pick what to do…So yeah… this is it, I decided to enjoy this while I’m in it! I’m going to read now. 

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23. September 2008 by admin.

So I’m teaching Arabic now… I like it! But it’s taking up a bit too much time. I like the students, most of them seem to get excited about the language, which is a great thing!

I kind of hate the office move, the department environment isn’t nearly as cool as it was last year, mainly because we’re far away… and it kind of feels like we’re in each others’ way more than that we’re together…

I just discovered another couple called sarah and Tom have a blog that looks a lot like ours, their link is tomandsarah.com, which Tom accidentally typed while trying to access my blog… that was funny. They’re a couple and he works in computers, and  she’s a grad student… what are the odds - they got married like last year

I am a bit confused with the DR, I started reading this book, but I kind of can’t remember the beginning of the chapter I read, I don’t know how I’m going to discuss it with Barry tomorrow…

I am taking syntax and phonology, I still don’t know what the hell I’m screening in yet, I have no topic and I have no idea how to get a topic. I emailed my advisor to meet with her, I’m waiting for her reply…

Hebrew is going great, I’m enjoying it a lot, it’s my favorite part of the week… it feels like i’m 10 again… and that feels fantastic.

I am looking forward to this Arabic conversation Table the IR department is trying to put together, that might be a lot of fun, I need to do some of this social stuff…

ok, back to reading, I’ll babble later!

Ciao!

Sarah

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5. August 2008 by admin.

I don’t feel too great. I had a good summer. I love the fact that my parents are here. For some reason I am having second thoughts about a lot of things. I’m not very satisfied overall lately. Maybe the start of school and teaching will make it better.
I should have posted more during the summer. I have my website up, it’s (www.linguistchat.org), it has a forum too (forum.linguistchat.org).. my podcast is broken. Enigma told me he’d give me the php for hpr that droops made so i can modify it to fit with my thing but he hasn’t.
I spent the summer in Florida, it was really nice, but i feel so homesick now that I’m back in LA… even though my parents are here with me, i miss being in lebanon and that feeling of constancy.
I need to write a dang syntax paper even though my prediction turned out not to be consistent with the data…
I want to be alone, but not in LA, in Beirut… I want to lay down under in sun on the bench behind bliss building and enjoy that warm aloneness… yeah, i’m not trying to sound deep, I’m just bummed about feeling like a nomad and constantly moving. I changed continent and language and culture last year, and it’s just getting to me now.. but anyway, this is where I am now, and it’s not too shabby, I like it, but I’m just bummed tonight…
tata!
-Sarah

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13. May 2008 by admin.

This is a useful test for clarity of mind when I’m pulling an allnighter and need to finish something: take 3 minutes off work and play a game of computer FreeCell: You either finish it fast and win, meaning your mind is clear and you should work as much as possible right now, or you block it fast and lose, meaning your mind is all boggled up and you need a break, or you do the tedious maybe that takes forever, which means that you’re at an efficiency low, and that you need a break.
Ok, this theory might also be an excuse to procrastinate every now and then and take a FreeCell break… leave me alone I’m tired!
Sarah

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12. May 2008 by admin.

Well… In short, I got stranded in Paris for a day, then flew back across the oceans to the US, now I’m in Tampa, working on my semantics paper. Tom and I spent today with his parents for mothers’ day, it was a lot of fun, I really like them.
I miss my parents and brothers and my Lebanon friends… but I guess I should have expected the idiots to screw up the summer. I hope my parents can make it here this summer, I really miss them.
Back to my paper now… tata ya’all
Sarah

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8. May 2008 by admin.

How else would I have the oportunity of experiencing every possible flight inconvenience there is?

I am currently stranded in Paris, waiting for a temporary overnight visa to be able to stay in a Hotel. The Lebanese Airport is closed for political reasons. Some people are demonstrating again… some guy lost his job because he was suspected to be involved in something crappy, and the crowd roars… and the airport closes…

So here’s what I think it is: These people are bored! They are sick of the wonderful Lebanese beaches and breezy mountains, they found a new way to tan: demonstrating!
It’s wonderful because you get the leisure of doing nothing while getting the self-satisfaction of having done something.
Another motivation is that they don’t want to spend money to pay for tickets to get their kids home from their schools abroad… what better excuse than “the airport is closed”?

I gotta tell you, the Lebanese people (including myself) must be one hell of a party people considering the amount of inconvenience we put up with and still find humor in it.

It’s just lovely
Ciao
Sarah

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22. April 2008 by admin.

I’m lucky. I have a boyfriend and a best friend who is wonderful. His family is adorable, and actually likes me for some reason. And I have a great family that loves me at home. And I have a quite nice life going on for me. I am truly lucky.
I am coming home from spending the weekend in Tampa with Tom. I miss him already. I won’t be seeing him till like June 8… it’s long! I wish I could just take him everywhere I go! I miss him all the time when I’m not with him.
I am however excited that I will be going to Lebanon soon, and I will see everyone there. If you’re reading guys, I miss you
I am worried about Tom’s gramma, she broke her shoulder and had reconstructive surgery, she looked sooo tired when we went to see her… I hope she gets back up fast!
Oh, I found a Linguistics Forum a few days ago, it’s a pretty cool idea. I’m going to be writing in it often I think. I am pondering the idea of starting an irc server for linguists.
I read “a child called it” on the plane - it’s a very sad story… I feel like I should get involved to help somehow - I will get on it when I get to LA.
That’s all for today,
Sarah/Plexi/Semit.

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17. April 2008 by admin.

I just changed my mind today on my screening topics (again). I decided to screen in sematics and syntax again, that’s what I came for! I asked Hagit to be my advisor. She’s cool.  Her socks are funky too… which says something, I’m not sure what it says, but it says something.
We (Xiao, Shawn, and I) went to a Lebanese restaurant today, the food was good. I’m going to try to cater from there for the student workshop.

I need to write up a proposal for the paper for the Semantics class, but I’m too ‘down’ today thinking about my wadad, and life in general.. meh. I could use a break soon.

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14. April 2008 by admin.

Studying hard isn’t one of my particularly habitual activities… It is rather that I kinda-study-kinda-watch-TV-kinda-sleep when I’m studying. So this weekend I’ve been trying to exclusively study, and I’m suffering from feelings of inefficiency!

My plan for this week is to be done with Morphology and Semantics by Thursday, so that I can enjoy myself in Florida guilt-free.

Dilemma:
I want to take Philosophy of language, because it’s cool, and because it’s given by Nathan Salmon who’s visiting and might not be around to give it again since he doesn’t teach here. But I also want to screen in Fall and it’d be useful for me to take the screening course, which conflicts (in time) with the Philosophy of Language course that I want to take. What should I do?!

I still haven’t chosen an advisor! I must do that this week!

yalla back to reading,
Ciao!
Sarah

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13. April 2008 by admin.

Yesterday, my friend who likes food Xiao and I went to a Korean place at 12:30 am.
He ordered cold noodles, and I ordered grilled beef - We were both bloated till the morning!
The food:
   
Us:
 

This morning I had a slight back ache, but it went away after a bit. I came to the USC Linguistics showcase, it was fun, I met a couple of new people. The food was good as well. I’m glad I came because coming to the department motivated me to study.

I am still in the department, I didn’t accomplish much today, but it was fun, I’m going to finish the article I’m reading before I go home.

P.S. I have no idea why some pictures get a random blue frame on this blog its randomness is quite amusing

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10. April 2008 by admin.

So I finally got my driver liscence. I still hate the DMV and everyone closely or remotely affiliated with it, BUT if there’s one person I am willing to like among them, it’s the person who took my picture. He did me good.

I am going to FL on the 17th, to which I am looking forward.

I think I’ve found a topic of interest to me in semantics to do my first screening, the topic kind of goes with an advisor, so I think I also picked myself an advisor.

I have yet to find out how to ”normally” post a picture from my files on this blog. Have I mentioned before that I like doing things from scratch? If this was my own HTML I would just put in the picture, but since i’m using a fancy blog thingy, I have to actually think!

I also found a couple of places for my parents to stay this summer on the beach in Florida.. I think Tom is a bit worried about it more than he’s letting on to, but I’m sure he’ll like it - plus, he’s the one who made me convince them to come.

 I actually like this topic enough to read it after midnight, for the heck of it, isn’t this cool? okay, back to reading with me!

Ciao!

Sarah

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3. April 2008 by admin.

Tom reactivated my blog, because he’s the best

For more blogging information visit www.nerdysarah.blogspot.com

I finished my taxes! all I need to do is mail them in! I am so happy about it!

I’m trying to book my April flights to Tampa, but Expedia is screwing up with my credit card address correspondance, who knows what’s up with them now! Delta (which I usually book with) doesn’t have any red-eyes in April and May, and I wanna go to Tampa dammit I wanna go! so I’m doing a US airways flight with stops.. meh

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27. March 2008 by admin.

Welcome to Sarah’s blog This blog is a present from Tom, who, after it broke, fixed it for me again, cause he’s cool

Ciao!

Sarah

P.S. this is me:

yes, I’m a nerd.

And this is Tom:

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