26. March 2009 by admin.

It’s Thursday, and I’m not scared… I’m just sad… my paper isn’t as good as I want it to be, Tom doesn’t seem too enthused to talk to me this week and I think it’s because I was working all the time when he visited, and now, add to all things… it’s the last week of March… I hate the last week of March…Tomorrow is the three year mark after the accident. I miss Wadad so much. I’m going to drive on the freeway this weekend. Wadad would call me stupid if she knew I haven’t driven on a freeway for three years… I have to enjoy life for two and to achieve for two, I have to be the best that I can so that the part of her that is in me is the best that it can…This is when syntax kicked in three years ago… I need syntax to make me feel all better again… I need to have a project, a new project… I need to feel successful… I keep falling for some reason… I can’t explain it… I fell off the bike last week, I slipped in my apartment today, then I fell while walking the bike when I was heading to school… I got bruises all over my legs. It might just be stress, or low bp… but it doesn’t matter, I’ll get better. If I could pretend that god exists, I’d be able to pray, if I could pretend that god exists, I’d be able to pretend that Wadad is still somewhere waiting for me… if I could pretend Wadad was somewhere far away, I would be warranted to miss her… I wish I could pretend… I wish I could find a reasonable explanation for how much I miss her…

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25. March 2009 by admin.

I was just re-reading some of the old posts, and I realized this is not a blog I want my advisor to see lol… it’s so “rants and raves in the daily life of an advisee”… one day she’s awesome, one day she’s terrifying - hehe

Well, today she’s awesome… though my synax broke… I had AdjP higher than #P which is bad because  it gives the wrong interpretation (plus some syntactic reasons) - I told her about it around noon and she stayed with me after the seminar and we came up with a fix for it… I’m not as proud of my paper as I was before, but I’m also not as sad as I was this morning… it’s a good compromise… I hadn’t even asked her to meet, she just told me to stick around after the seminar to talk about my structure because she’s going to be away next week and Thursday might be too close, which is very nice of her…ok… so now I have a numeral modifier and a #P… which is a fix… oh well… maybe I’ll come up with something brilliant tonight… I’ll start by fixing the things Elena told me to fix (lexical entry for the adjective, and of as type-shifter), and then I’ll add the complement like Hagit told me to… then I’ll try to fix what I have… 

I talked to Tom tonight as usual… he seemed mad/frustrated at me, but I could be projecting… I cried… I don’t know what’s wrong with me… I am not happy with my life today… and I usually feel better after I talk to my Tom, but today I felt worse… I don’t know… I’ll just get back to work and see if that’ll make me feel better…

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21. March 2009 by admin.

Up until last week, I was terrified of talking about syntax, last week, my advisor met with me and I had the guts to talk about syntax with her, and now I can’t shut up about it anymore!
I am so happy.I owe this woman so much, I wish I TAed for her or something so I feel like I’m doing something in exchange… even though that wouldn’t even compare… 

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13. March 2009 by admin.

I have the best advisor ever! Seriously. She’s awesome. I had a great meeting today! I have a lot of work to do so I can’t go into details, but I am seriously very lucky, she helped me so much today… She’s the best.

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9. March 2009 by admin.

I am trying to come up with a meaningful syntax that goes with my semantic proposal of construct states, and I seem stuck on liking Hagit’s stuff (framework) and Lina’s stuff (analysis). I don’t know whether it’s because they’re great or because I like Hagit and I like Lina.

I need to come up with reasons to break the other analyses that I am looking at but it’s not that straightforward… I’m starting to seriously worry about time. There’s only three weeks left…Desire for success needs to be greater than fear of failure :) 

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8. March 2009 by admin.

Hagit says I should have a syntax section, so I shall have a syntax section :)I am psyched about this part… I think I am enjoying this screening process way too much… last time I felt this way I was in Brevet :Phaha maybe I am one of those cecilia types that should stay in grad school forever. But I won’t. I will graduate in 5 years. My plan is to qualify a semester early, and to defend my dissertation a semester early.  

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1. March 2009 by admin.

I’ve been scared of syntax since like the second week of classes at USC.I lack confidence more than anything when it comes to syntax.
I am going to change that. And I’m not waiting till the summer. I have been going through some syntax papers on construct states and I’ve been spending more energy on understanding the syntax than before, and it’s working out well, it’s not so bad. I am going to have a decent syntax section to my paper. And I will be ready for my second screening. 
After this summer, I will be confident.

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